Just because I'm not following back, it doesn't mean I don't like your blog or what you're posting. Right now, i just need to surround myself with people who understand what I'm going through. But you matter. Don't ever forget that.
You tell me everyday. You point out my flaws, laugh at my mistakes. You think I don’t tell myself the same things everday? You think I don’t stare in the mirror and cry because I can’t get all those fucking voices out of my head? Well you’re crazy if you think I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Because I can’t ever forget..
Everything is. Waking up, going to school, smiling, laughing, thinking, talking… socializing. It’s getting more and more difficult everyday.
(via s-e-l-f-h-a-t-e)
I used to think that killing myself was the solution, that it would just end all of this. But now I’m not so sure that’s what I want. I don’t want to give up on happiness. I don’t want to give up on love. I just want to get away from all the bullshit here. That’s all. Just for one day maybe, I want to know what it feels like in someone else’s shoes. Someone else who has a boyfriend, or a husband, or even kids… I want to look into someone’s eyes and see nothing but hope and love. Then again, death certainly is easier to obtain..
Everday, I’m constantly thinking those words. They go through my mind everytime something happens. It’s like my safety net. Whenever I’m scared or uncomfortable, I reassure myself with the thought of leaving. With or without him. He used to be my escape plan but I’ve learned that I really only need myself. After all, I’m the only one who has stuck around through everything. Why should I need anybody else? I’ve gotten this far on my own haven’t I?
But have I? Have I really been getting by? Maybe I’m just pretending that I’m able to cope with everything that’s been going on. I don’t know. I try not to think like this… it hurts too much. But then again, everything does now.
I talked to him. A sentence or two. He looke me in the eyes and spoke back. After a year and three months. I miss talking to him all the time but I know we can never be friends… But when he smiled I saw the boy I fell in love with. I saw the boy I am still in love with. I tried to smile and act…
(Source: a--mile--behind)
It’d be so much easier just to be alone. I don’t know if I can even find the strength to care about someone else like I used to be able too… I really wanna give this a chance. But I’m scared, scared of leaving my comfort zone. After this long, I’ve been getting used to the darkness… I’ve become dependent on my own loneliness…
